Journal
This is journal, journey is neither recovery or decline, but a real-time record of living through pain, medication, fatigue, and change.
Nothing is rewritten or softened.
Pain, sleep, mood, movement, and treatment are tracked honestly over time. Not for performance or narrative — simply to preserve patterns, evidence, and the reality of daily survival.
Entries can seem detached and that is the nature of the beast, you know when your arm is broken but not when your mind is!
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Week 4 – Buprenorphine Taper – Day 1: Knife Edge
A day of darkness transformed into gratitude, as sharp thoughts were confronted, leading to reflection and creativity despite lingering fatigue.
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Some words from the night
A repetitive expression of the desire to distance oneself from various forms of travel and connection.
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The Fear of Today
The narrator reflects on returning powerful medication, experiencing fear of withdrawal but also a sense of resistance and control.
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A Ditty of Pity
A grey reflection in glass, a life remembered, youth questioned, sleep desired, and one quiet question remaining: what became of George?
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Buprenorphine Taper — Week 3
A week-long reflection on medication use and mood reveals the complexities and fluctuations of managing chronic pain and anxiety.
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Buprenorphine Taper — Week 2
It’s BitingMornings were hell. Screaming inside, crying, thinking: ‘Please go back to sleep…’ Yet every day I forced myself out of bed, took my meds, and kept going.
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How to Stop Taking Buprenorphine
I moved my buprenorphine to the car, creating distance from habit. Tapering is messy, deliberate, and intensely real.
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Exhausted
Archive piece: exhausted mind admitting hidden suicidal thoughts, fearing burdening loved ones, feeling unseen and unheard while hope quietly fades.
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Buprenorphine Reduction Week 1 Reduction
Have I done the right thing?Screaming anxiety, pain rising, depression crashing, meds mixed up, no control, just holding on as buprenorphine reduction begins tearing through everything
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Will Lamotrigine stop me killing myself or others?
A person reflects on the impact of lithium on kidney health while questioning the effectiveness of lamotrigine for bipolar disorder management.
