This is a start of day 5 without lithium, the pills are in the bin so there is no going back. I woke feeling like the world was on my shoulders, feeling really sad, words cannot explain this, if you have ever experienced a very sad day when you are also worrying about things then this is very near to how I feel right now.

I could be just regular depression creeping in or is it due to the lithium withdrawal. Nurses have said “When you mess with medication it is not, if you relapse, it is WHEN you relapse. I think that is a very negative outlook, predicting a relapse which I see as a failure.

One thing that I am a struggling with is patience, somewhat towards Ruth whom is a wonderful wife and does so much for me and yet she can go on and on about things that I have not much interest in. I am a quiet person and do not feel the need to fill silent spaces in our lives. I know that the problem is with me as I am aware that ladies of an age do go-on-and-on and do state the obvious a lot which is rather irksome, along with commentary on my driving.

So my father-in-law’s birthday was today and another meal out which makes me feel exhausted, saw some more of the rels and got home quite late. We are going away to the metal cabin tomorrow so I have been getting the mountain of meds and Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) crap ready to take.

Going back to the removal of Lithium I think that I am getting over the worst of the PHYSICAL side effects, having to think about the condition that medication was being taken for. Lithium is a mood stabiliser so it must have been stabilising some part of my mental health, as someone rudely said to me recently, I may be “over thinking it” but he’s a fool and when I’m well I am above him.

Give in secret

Please speak to Your healthcare provider, doctor, psychiatrist and anyone else whom is looking after you, before you even consider a similar journey that I have. The action that I have taken has only been taken with advice from my general practitioner doctor and psychiatrist.