Journal
Please find below the latest posts in my journal putting onto paper show I feel inside, react outside and just day to day things. There are some very dark days that I have been quite candid. I am not a medical professional however I would be delighted for you to read my story, however dark it may become.
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Both ends – Double bubble
Susan is really ill at the moment with vomiting and diarrhoea. Been going on for two days now. Going away in January is probably not. The best of ideas is bit cold outside harsh rain wind and strong winds. I went out to gather some supplies to a town called Hawes to ‘Hunter Gather’ some
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I shall continue doing my bit.
It should have been great. Susan’s birthday 59 today, cards, gifts even Pooch bought bought a voucher for a pampering session in a place that she used to go to when she was in a better place. Nails, brows and toes. Not my cup of tea but why should it have been. There is positive
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Rested my Ankle
I am well know in our family for falling over so my fall on the stairs was met again with; oh e. Areful, why don’t you look where you are walking none of his actually helps. No one realises that I live in a 3D world where I have to look up, as I am
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A couple of weeks respite – alas my brain is coming too – along with poor balance
Dug the car out of the snow and headed off to an area called Cumbria. The motorways were clear and we made good time. Whilst Susan stocked up at Aldi I walked around the car park to let the pooch have a pee. We could not go into Aldi together as we will not let
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Woke up with my heart in my mouth
Was like something was wrong, or guilty feeling when you have done nothing wrong yet nothing seemed right. Woke shaking inside my heart and my mouth and feeling sick Please go back to sleep. Please go back to sleep repeating and repeating in my head but it’s not gonna be that easy. Happy Thursday to
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So is it going to be a lovely day?
The sun is shining and I had a temazepam free night. So bright as a button, I shall dig the car out of the snow and get some items I’ve sold on eBay off to the post box. I got really stressed as I was trying to get the packages out but managed to get
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Feeling less suicidal today – if that’s possible
Just another day in paradise. Hmmm
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This is what the site is all about – LIVING with SUICIDE in my head not in my hands.
9am Waking up after 12 hours in bed, please go to sleep, please go back to sleep, please please please go back to sleep going back to sleep or just taking it away on my dream of something wonderful exciting. I get up I’m on my own Susan still sleeping Wake up with screaming in your
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Quarter by quarter – Measuring the day
Snow and ice used to bring joy, alas that does not seem to be the case now. Waking with anxiety and dread are par for the course these days. I used my CPAP machine machine last night however the two previous nights I hadn’t used it and I feel I actually got a better sleep
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Is it a backdown? Suicidal?
Last night as I ranted on about the internet I was set in my mind to flush it all. This morning it is a little calmer, with everything going on I feel a little step down may well be in order. Speaking to my brother this morning I was trying to get across the severity
Easy life? 